The Lost that I couldnt take

Since the last time I blog, many things had happened in my life until I just couldnt really put in in words and sort my life out. And now I guess its time for me to move on, and so I decided to just let the past rest in where it supposed to stop. Adding on, I really wish to dedicate all my feelings here to my beloved Grandma.

Among all my grandparents, my grandma is the closest to me. She is my mum's mother. My mum's side grandpa is still alive, but he has this old people sickeness and I am just not that too close to him. But I still love n cares bout him. On the other side, Dad lost his father when he was just a kid and we lost my dad's mother when i was back in standard 6. Sad to say, I dun really have much sad feelings towards that. But if really want to recall those memories I had on them, I could just remember the scenes when my dad's side mum was bedridden and her suffering expressions when she struggles to move on with her life. And till now I just couldnt understand why she alwyz tease me that I was picked by my parents from the riverside. Its not real and I just duno why she wanted to make me feel bad. But anw like what my dad said, "Dont leave hatret on those who are bout to leave. No matter how bad were they back there, just forgive them n let them lay in peace. Wats so great until u couldnt even forgive a dead people. Thats a shame! "

So my grandma, I have lots of memories bout her. She just passed away recently on the 14th of November 2010, 2.55am. That day I was out wit my frens having fun all day. Until at night when i got home, parents were rushing to the hospital cox of her critical condition. Relatives form hometown came all the way down to prepare for the worst. What I heard was grandma was unconscious since 9pm + and she was suddenly vomiting lots of foam. Doctors and nurses rushed there for her and struggling to bring her back to conscious. But unfortunately she still couldnt make it through.

Tat night, around 2am I was waken up by my cousins voices when i was asleep. My dad send them back form the hospital for their siblings to get some sleep. I woke up n talked to my dad. He just said doctor are still trying their best. So I was quite worried and just couldnt go back to sleep. Ended up I Spend the whole night long talking to my cousin sister. We were talking bout how our grandma had been lately since she has been hospitalized for quite sometime and had been staying at my place lately. I was telling my cos sis the drastic changes of our grandma, how she acted weirdly recently, how we manage to handle her, and slowly from here we moved on to talk bout how our grandma used to be. And one thing we had in common is that no matter wat we recalled bout our grandma, there is always a smiley face on us. We are glad that we had this grandma with us since we were born, and we enjoyed every moment when she had with us.

We had a great talk that night untill around 4 am I noticed the adults werent back yet n mayb I shall just call n check out wats my grandma condition now. So I dialled the number and after a few rings, I heard my mum's voice. And mum said "grandma went already!" I can still recalled how it's like hearing that news that night. Nothing in life could be worst than the moment. After I hung up the call, cos sis n i burst into tears. We were so shocked and couldnt believe what had happened, its like grandma has just been with us for last few minutes and now she is gone! She was healthy all the while? Tat moment, tears are just not enough to substitue the pain I gone through. That night was particularly longer than usual. Time passed so slow. I couldnt sleep but just couldnt help n kept crying till the morning.

The next morning, every realtives headed back to the hometown for the funeral. The funeral lasted for 3 days n two nights. The first day when i first got home, I just couldnt stop crying. Eyes were swallon n I couldnt even sleep well. But after that, I felt better having all my cousins around. We mingled around and talked a lot. Its like a family grandchildren gathering time. Some of the grown up told us, U guyz are just crazy. The moment when u all were out there kneeling and doing prayers, all of u cried so sadly; but after u guyz got into the house to rest n eat, u all can just talk like usual and laugh. I guess my grandma wanted to see this too. Cox she used to be an optimistic n lovable one. She loves all of her grandchildren and treated evryone equally. She is a generous grandma that shares stuff and buy things to cheer their grandchildren. No matter how we treated her she just smile and accepted every part of us.The hardest moment for me during the funeral, was when the person was doing the prayers and seal the coffin. We were asked to line up to see my grandma for the last time. And after that, we had to kneel down facing the coffin and all heads down. That moment, I could hear every realtives around crying. The hissing sound was all around. Tears were dripping and eyes were flooded with tears.
And this will be the greatest lost in my life.