When the End and Start flocks together

So today its the last day of year 2010. And I think i am still not ready for the brand new year ahead yet. Haven reli sort out my mind well and organize what have I done during the whole year. Cox it just passed way too fast. I guess the main reason that time flies its because i am having a great time throughout the year. Being happy everyday is just the right way to get through the hectic life. And remaining happy n exotic always with all the good companion around will make u look forward for the brand new tomorrow. So, basically that's how i live my way through 2010.

I think I really had a great 19 this year being a teen. By holding the principle that I am young and I have to try out many new stuff, experience it and assuring myself to live a real teenage life have indirectly make me grown up in so many ways. 2010 : experiencing the awesomeness of university life, having the greatest bunch of my friends hanging out always for class, reserving the most seats in lecture halls ever since i started studying, having trips with uni firends to the prettiest island, visiting the malls more often than ever, working in more different jobs field, earning money as a part timer crazily ever, driving to strang places that i ever had, eating all scumptious food all over the country, liking cheese that i never like, lastly having the most dramatic friendship ever and so much more.

But I also would really like to thank my whole bunch of uni friends that makes my life in uni happier than ever. And special thanks to one of my friend for appearing in my life, Miss Zhuxiao Ho. Not being skeptical and I really glad that we met each other not too late but right on time that we can acutally bond amazingly well like old primary school friends. Having her hyper ness, lesbian ness, and skinships around really cheer me up. And quietly telling you, when I always push u away n make the disgusting look, its actually not true. Haha =p Just trying to show my "LOVE" to you. *OMG cant believe I am confessing here. =9 Ewww ...

Besides that, I am also glad that two years after we graduated from high school, my girls and I are actually still sticking around with each other. They really are the one who know me the best and thanks for always being there for me when i needed them. They are the best shelter for me to share things out. So hope they bare with me and remain our friendship till the end of my life. However, there are also many friends that left the country this year to study abroad, hope they will have a rosy future.

For 2011 ahead ... Hmm to be honest I am not really ready for that, but I guess listing out my new year resolution will mentally prepare me for it. In 2011, I hope I will be more mature and achieve more things in life. Sometimes having some goal and must-to-do things in mind, by getting it done will really get me satisfied. I also hope to do more meaningful things in the coming year, helping others out mayb by charity or via my scouts will do good for me. And I also hope to have my brother back next year to get our family into 5 agn, and hope I dont loose anyone I love around me anymore. Finally, yeah I hope to get a good companion for myself next year. Not being officially desperte, but sometimes Being alone for festive seasons is way too lonely =(

Anw hope evryone will have a great year ahead. Feel free to leave ur new year resolutions here too to share with me. Maybe we can achieve it together or mentally encourage each other for it. So enjoy the countdown or every last minute counted down before the year 2010 ends =) Welcome the brand new year with fireworks popping above ur head and beeps of incoming wishing messages on ur phone. Make a wish when the clock strikes 12am, and get ur blessings from ur guardian angel when the calender shows 1.1.11 ...  Rock ur life peeps !

Merry Christmas Everyone

Although I am a day later than the actual chirstmas date, but still I hope to wish all of my friends, Merry christmas and in advance a Happy New Year.

Among all the festive seasons in a year, I would really rank christmas as my second favourite season right after the Chinese New Year. Its a season that everyone all over the world would celebrate and look forward for no matter what religion are they. I feel the warmth during this season and I enjoy watching all the christams decorations all around in town. But I wish some day in future I will have the chance to experience the awesomeness of White christmas. The christmas that ur pathway from ur house n the roof n garden of urs will be filled with the white snow.

This year, I never really plan for any outing or special gathering. Indeed, my family and I spend the chritsmas eve at my aunts house having a simple dinnner gathering. The lamb chop is the favourite food of mine for that night =) I felt so satisfied having it.

Anyhow as I grown up, I realize fantasies of fairy tales and Santa Clause remains as ecstasy. Socks hung beside chimney are no longer the method to attract Santa Clause to bump their butt down from the dusty hole. Rain deer No longer land on ur roof waiting to drop n pick up the fatty old man with long white beard and reddish costume.

But what i believe is this christmas actually give people hope to make their wishes to the world. Not believing that their dreams will really come true, but its the feeling of hope and satisfaction that rise from their heart. Christmas give us warmth and give us hope. We trust the fantasies n fairy tales in a way that ignoring the fact tat it would kill our childhood imagineries.

Finally, I would Like to dedicate the song < We wish u a Merry Christmas> to all =)

We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

A note for my grandma

I need to confess. I may not be my grandma's favourite grandchildren, and I may not have been a good granddaughter to her, but i seriously appreciate her for being my grandma all this while. She will always leave in my heart no matter what.

If I have a choice I would like to beg the god to not take her away. Cox i Still need a second chance to treat her better. I still have lots more places that I want to drive her to to enjoy the food. I would still love to get her her favourite Mcd and KFC for her lunch. When she is bored I hope I could have the chance to bring her to the nearby place to hav a cup of tea and let her enjoy her favourite bread toast. And her fav food and drinks that we bought for her are still laying in the fridge, she haven even hav the chance to finish it.

Thinking back, there are times that I yelled and her n get frustrated. I regret of not being patient to her. I should be more polite to her. I should talk to her more. I Wouldnt forget the time when I had went through with her during her depression period. See ing her being so pessimistic at that period reli hurts me. The best memories of me bout my grandma is during my childhood. I miss the days that all of us got excited when she lead us to the mall and buy us the fastfood that she loves. I like it when she sides us when our parents were scolding us.

But what could I do now besides regretting and reaclling back the past. In future, I will not be able to call "POPO" anymore. I have no one to side me when i get scolding from parents. I have no one to cook me good food anymore. I couldnt see you anymore when i go back to hometown. Where will u be when we will have our reunion dinner in the future chinese new years. There are just so so so much about u in my life. I refused to accept the fact, but knowing that U would be at a better place now, I also choose to move on with my life and get over the melancholic.

I knew you would be at a better place now. Leaving the pain and suffering that u would have faced in this world would be better for a happy u. You may not have enjoy all the best moment and things in life, but I think u will be glad enough to go through what u had before. And knowing that u have all these bunch of kids and grandchildren around, you had lead urself a remarkable life. And we will never forget you no matter when. And grandpa, pls not worry bout him, all of us willl take good care of him.

Grandma, May u rest in peace. The light that U see will lead u to a better world.

This is the only pic i had with my grandma. It was taken not long ago during my 19th birthday.

The Lost that I couldnt take

Since the last time I blog, many things had happened in my life until I just couldnt really put in in words and sort my life out. And now I guess its time for me to move on, and so I decided to just let the past rest in where it supposed to stop. Adding on, I really wish to dedicate all my feelings here to my beloved Grandma.

Among all my grandparents, my grandma is the closest to me. She is my mum's mother. My mum's side grandpa is still alive, but he has this old people sickeness and I am just not that too close to him. But I still love n cares bout him. On the other side, Dad lost his father when he was just a kid and we lost my dad's mother when i was back in standard 6. Sad to say, I dun really have much sad feelings towards that. But if really want to recall those memories I had on them, I could just remember the scenes when my dad's side mum was bedridden and her suffering expressions when she struggles to move on with her life. And till now I just couldnt understand why she alwyz tease me that I was picked by my parents from the riverside. Its not real and I just duno why she wanted to make me feel bad. But anw like what my dad said, "Dont leave hatret on those who are bout to leave. No matter how bad were they back there, just forgive them n let them lay in peace. Wats so great until u couldnt even forgive a dead people. Thats a shame! "

So my grandma, I have lots of memories bout her. She just passed away recently on the 14th of November 2010, 2.55am. That day I was out wit my frens having fun all day. Until at night when i got home, parents were rushing to the hospital cox of her critical condition. Relatives form hometown came all the way down to prepare for the worst. What I heard was grandma was unconscious since 9pm + and she was suddenly vomiting lots of foam. Doctors and nurses rushed there for her and struggling to bring her back to conscious. But unfortunately she still couldnt make it through.

Tat night, around 2am I was waken up by my cousins voices when i was asleep. My dad send them back form the hospital for their siblings to get some sleep. I woke up n talked to my dad. He just said doctor are still trying their best. So I was quite worried and just couldnt go back to sleep. Ended up I Spend the whole night long talking to my cousin sister. We were talking bout how our grandma had been lately since she has been hospitalized for quite sometime and had been staying at my place lately. I was telling my cos sis the drastic changes of our grandma, how she acted weirdly recently, how we manage to handle her, and slowly from here we moved on to talk bout how our grandma used to be. And one thing we had in common is that no matter wat we recalled bout our grandma, there is always a smiley face on us. We are glad that we had this grandma with us since we were born, and we enjoyed every moment when she had with us.

We had a great talk that night untill around 4 am I noticed the adults werent back yet n mayb I shall just call n check out wats my grandma condition now. So I dialled the number and after a few rings, I heard my mum's voice. And mum said "grandma went already!" I can still recalled how it's like hearing that news that night. Nothing in life could be worst than the moment. After I hung up the call, cos sis n i burst into tears. We were so shocked and couldnt believe what had happened, its like grandma has just been with us for last few minutes and now she is gone! She was healthy all the while? Tat moment, tears are just not enough to substitue the pain I gone through. That night was particularly longer than usual. Time passed so slow. I couldnt sleep but just couldnt help n kept crying till the morning.

The next morning, every realtives headed back to the hometown for the funeral. The funeral lasted for 3 days n two nights. The first day when i first got home, I just couldnt stop crying. Eyes were swallon n I couldnt even sleep well. But after that, I felt better having all my cousins around. We mingled around and talked a lot. Its like a family grandchildren gathering time. Some of the grown up told us, U guyz are just crazy. The moment when u all were out there kneeling and doing prayers, all of u cried so sadly; but after u guyz got into the house to rest n eat, u all can just talk like usual and laugh. I guess my grandma wanted to see this too. Cox she used to be an optimistic n lovable one. She loves all of her grandchildren and treated evryone equally. She is a generous grandma that shares stuff and buy things to cheer their grandchildren. No matter how we treated her she just smile and accepted every part of us.The hardest moment for me during the funeral, was when the person was doing the prayers and seal the coffin. We were asked to line up to see my grandma for the last time. And after that, we had to kneel down facing the coffin and all heads down. That moment, I could hear every realtives around crying. The hissing sound was all around. Tears were dripping and eyes were flooded with tears.
And this will be the greatest lost in my life.